Saga of the Crazy Ones
by Narf Lords
Summary: Brought to you by Narf Lords, this tale is a mix of various books and movies, many from the Shannara series of Terry Brooks. Be warned: this story is written in movie script form, and may cause insanity. Thank you, and enjoy.
1. Intro

This story is by: the Narf Lords (real names omitted for personal protection)

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in this story. Our brains are not capable of creating such characters.

Warning: Read at your own risk!

**Saga Of the Crazy Ones**

**Characters**

Legolas

Walker

Ahren

Skull Bearer 1

Numair

Sakura

Vanyel

Skull Bearer 2

Truls

Tay

Allanon

Skull Bearer 3

Harry Potter

Plushy

Yue

Bambi

Zaknafein

Kerriibow

Bremen

**Special Character Appearances**

Pegasus

Garet Jax

Shrek

The Head

Cuzco

Domyoji (curly haired dude) of doom

**Prologue: **A long time after the authors of many acclaimed novels and books wrote their stories, the characters were placed into many huge volumes. These books were lost- until now. This is one book on the combined stories from Middle Earth, Hogwarts, Readington, Tortall, Menzoberranzan, Four Lands, and Valdemar.


	2. 1

This story is by: The Narf Lords (real names omitted for personal protection)

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in this story. Our brains are not capable of creating such characters.

Warning: Read at your own risk!

**CHAPTER ONE: Shades of the Hadeshorn**

**Allanon: **I am going to screw up everything! Muaahhhhahhh! Try to stop me now. Dead souls line up to my left-I believe there are 5 of you- I never want to see you again. Enjoy your day! (Tips hat and disappears into nothing).

Harry Potter and Sakura are sitting on the grass becoming good friends.

**Harry:** I'm from Hogwarts.

**Sakura:** Readington.

**Harry:** Do you do a lot of reading there?

**Sakura: ** You have the IQ of a turnip.

**Kerriibow:** (Pops up) WEeeeeeeeee, WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, COoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, COOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

They jump up scared senseless before falling over. A tall, white-haired man with white wings appears.

**Yue:** Get up Bambi!!!

**Sakura: **I'm not Bambi! I'm a real girl!!

**Yue:** I didn't notice. Mah, I was meaning to address the boy.

**Harry:** I'm not Bambi either! Stupid book...

A mosquito flies by and they all scream in terror. Suddenly, the vicious insect is attacked by an arrow. Yue checks his bow but it has not backfired. The arrow pierces the insect neatly to a nearby tree. A tall elf with blond hair steps calmly out of the woods, reeking of pride and dignity.

**Legolas:** Hullo everybody. I was just having target practice. Did I shoot any of you? No? Oh well. I will be going now.

**Sakura:** (glitter-eyed) O please don't leave! What will we ever do if another evil thing comes?

**Harry:** Yeah, it might be as bad as Yue.

**Yue: **What am I, chopped liver? Stupid elfy. I bet you bleach your hair! Mine is all natural, from Clow Reed himself.

**Legolas:** Rrriigghhttttttt. Like, what EVER.

The trees catch flames, smoke appears, and...A very tall man wearing a hot pink robe appears from the flames. Everyone stares in awweee.

**Legolas:** I wanted the flashy entrance. Wahhh.

**Numair: **Greetings! I am Numair. What's this? (Looks down at robes) Etch, I've taken Daine's clothing again! Stupid colour really... (Changes robes black with the snap of his fingers) Oww. I've broken another of my poor nails.

**Yue:** Uhh, excuse me but why are all of you people bothering Bambi?

**Sakura: **For the last time I am NOT BAMBI!!!!!!!!! AND DON"T TELL ME TO "GET UP" CAUSE I ALREADY DID AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

**Legolas:** You need to release stress... Now: breathe in and out. Sssslllooooowwwlllyyyyyy.

**Sakura:** SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!!

Harry suddenly grabs Yue's and Legolas's bows and makes a run for it underneath the still flaming trees. All begin a chase. He smacks into a dark figure blocking the path.

**Truls:** What are you doing, boy?

**Harry: **Ummm, stealing bows?

**Truls:** Is that your final answer before I rip your head off?

**Legolas: **Now, now children, don't use violence. It isn't nice.

**Truls and Harry:** SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!! (looks at each other) JINX!!!!! (fall silent)

**Sakura: **Ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha...HA!

**Numair:** You are one strange kid. And I was just going to ask you if you thought that the leaves looked...(Turns and walks away)

**Sakura:** What?

**Kerriibow:** (jumps out of a tree, trailing flames) WWWWEEEEE, WWEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

**All:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

**Harry: **Scarier than Voldemort!!

**Truls: **Scarier than Walker Boh's nature trips! You, boy, owe me a pepsi.

**Sakura: **Scarier than Yue!

**Yue:** Scarier than Bambi!

**Legolas: **Scarier than Elrond in Arwen's purple dress!

**Numair:** I'm not that scary. (doesn't notice furry creature)


	3. 2

**CHAPTER TWO: ARRIVAL OF THE DEAD ONES**

Today, Harry, Sakura, Yue, Legolas, Truls and Numair are searching for adventure, and friends. What will they find next? Wait- it appears that Numair is not up yet. Uh-oh--why could that be?

**Numair: **(gets up) What a strange dream...I wonder what all of those ghosts coming to life meant? What a LOVELY bed!!!! What? Pink PJ's? (changes into black robes with a clap of his hands)

**Harry:** I didn't know you knew about clap-on clap-off lamps?! Cool! Only muggles use them though...

**Sakura: **Who are you calling a muggle, turnip?

**Harry:** Good morning to you too, Bambi!

**Yue:** Is Bambi up yet?

**Sakura:** I AM!!!! JUST LIKE YESTERDAY I WAS UP AND I AM NOT BAMBI!!!!! OOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

**Yue:** (unfazed) Yes, well, in any case Bambi, we have to be going. You too, turnip.

**Legolas:** (leaping up) A red sun rises. I am ever so happy!!! To the woods my friends! It's breakfast time!! (freaky music - dada da na! lightning flashes)

**Truls:** Stupid elf...I've known way too many... Arrrg.

**Numair: **What's that supposed to mean?

**Truls: **Go read something...ANYTHING...just stop talking!

All of a sudden, just at that instant, the ghosts that Numair had dreamed about appeared.

**Numair:** Would you look at that...Am I still dreaming?

**Walker:** AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I Lllliiiiivvvveeeeee!

**Legolas:** You were dead? OH MY GOD!!!!!

**Truls: **Walker? Stop playing games you stupid druid!! Stun muffin... Almost made me cry...

**Walker:** Aaaawwwww, Truls my friend.

**Harry:** He has a friend? And it's not Bambi? Wow.

**Zaknafein:** Who am I? I am Zaknafein...ummm.

**Vanyel: **I'm Vanyel from Team Valdemar! Where's Fandes'?

**Harry: **What's with the swords and armour and white uniform?

**Vanyel: **They're Herald Whites. Where is my horse?!

**Legolas: **It seems we're all missing something...

**Harry:** Our brains.

**Numair:** Our sanity.

**Yue:** Bambi.

**Sakura: **SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! (Ring, ring, ring-- picks up phone) SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!

**Zaknafein: **A phone? (smashes the phone)

**Tay: ** La, la, la.

**Ahren: **Don't ever change Tay, I want to forget you just the way you are.

**Tay: **We're all elves in this together! That means we can both forget each other! (they hug each other)

**Kerriibow:** Wwwwwwooooooooooooo!!! WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WOOO!!

**Zaknafein: **(stares) Arrrggg! It's hideous!!

**Harry:** Yeah, it's almost as bad as Yue.

**Ahren:** Or Truls- from what Bek said.

**Truls: **The Boy!!

**Vanyel:** Or...what's that name?...Bambi. (Yue glares at him)

**Legolas: **Now, now, Yue, let's be nice.

**Yue: **(sulky) But that was my line.(Legolas pats his arm)


	4. 3

**CHAPTER 3: THE RISE OF BAMBI**

Somewhere farther away, in the land of Shannara, the shades boiled (quite

literaly) in the Hadeshorn. After the flames have left the black waters, all becomes quiet again. Allanon has been watching his newly restored characters with earnest, and is having quite a good time.

**Allanon: **(clapping his hands) All of this is so wonderful! I am the greatest shade ever! (ponders for a moment) Alas for the one problem...The plushy dinosaur has escaped the book entitled "Absurd". I hope it does not do too much damage to my deranged story book friends. (laughs maniacally)

**Bremen:** (looks at audience) Whatever...Please ignore that. He really did not mean to say-

**Allanon: ** I meant what I said, damn it! Now shut up or I'll have the Skull Bearers have you.

**Bremen:** I only meant to say that you were clearly out of your mind my so-much-younger-than-me student. I didn't realize that you would take offence. Please, just stop tinkering with books that were not meant for you and maybe then-

**Allanon:** (hands in his hair) That's it! I can not take it any more! (puts down hands and turns around) Skull Bearers: HAVE AT HIM!!!!!!!

**Bremen:** (dives behind a chair) Nooooooooo! Not them!!!

**Skull Bearer 1:** What shall we do with him? Torture?

**Skull Bearer 2:** No...That tis a too verry easy.

**Skull Bearer 3:** Just shut up- your accent is too annoying. I say we make him burn!

**Skull Bearer 2:** Burn? Tha tis a verry not good ideal choice.

**Skull Bearer 3: **Yes it is. I thought I told you to shut up...

**Skull Bearer 1: **You did.

**Skull Bearer 3: ** Shut up!!!! (storms off)

**Skull Bearer 1: **Let's make him suffer longer by making him watch Bambi!

**Skull Bearer 2:** Yes, tis a very excellent ideal to suit such a verry wretched man.

**Bremen:** Oh no! Not Bambi! Anything but that- I cannot stand to watch his mother die!!!!! (starts to cry)

**Skull Bearer 1: **(grabs him) Oh yes you shall suffer! (thinks for a moment) Old man!

**Allanon:** (stares at the tv showing Bambi) I have an excellent idea...

Allanon walks by the Torture room and into the poster room. He picks up a picture of Bambi and brings him to life. The baby deer stands up and yawns : o. Allanon, pleased with the cute little animal, sends for one of the Skull Bearers.

**Allanon: **(turns to Skull Bearer 3) I want you to take Bambi up to our insane friends. Get him to do some sort of Bambi thing or whatever deers do alright? Oh, and I know you only carry skulls, being a "skull" bearer and all, but just do this.

**Skull Bearer 3: **(clearly unhappy) Well, fine then. (pouts) But I wanna tackle the blond elfly!

**Allanon: **Fine! What does it take to get a little co-operation around here!!! All the things I do always and all... (walks away)

**Skull Bearer 3:** (looks down at Bambi) I guess it's just me and you now.

**Bambi: **Yaaaaaaaaooooooooooo!!!

The Skull Bearer makes his way out of the Hadeshorn, Bambi trailing behind. It is nighttime in the cool silence.(not for long...muhahahah.) They suddenly teleport to within 10 meters of the group of characters, who are all taking a break in the woods.

Numair conjures a fire and all gather around. Zaknafein pulls out a bag of marshmallows and a frying pan. Yue grabs the frying pan and whacks Harry in the head with it. A dull hollow sound is heard.

**Harry:**(crossed-eyed) What was that for?

**Yue: **For stealing Bambi's marshmallows!!!!!!

**Truls:**(grumpily) There IS NO BAMBI!!! Why can't you all SHUT UP?!!

**Bambi:** (charging out of woods) Yaooooooooooooooo! YAaaaaooooooooooooooo!

**Yue:**(tears in eyes) Bambi! You've come back to me!

**Vanyel: **Bambi's back! Where's Fandes? FANDES!!!!!

**Legolas:** Where's Sakura? What did you do to her!?

**Sakura:** I'm right here.(sighs, disgusted)

**Legolas: **You're Sakura? OH MY GOD!!!

Bambi, trots up to Yue and smells his robes, letting out a small cry of horror at the stench. He promptly falls over. When Yue bends over to see if he's alright, Bambi leaps up, knocks him over, and proceeds to eat his hair. Ahren and Tay stop eating the discarded marshmallows and run to Yue's rescue. They toss the deer back into the woods.

**Truls: **We could have eaten him! What did you do that for? Stupid elves...

**Harry:** How about you turn into a deer and we'll eat you?

**Truls: **Uh, no thank you.

Then, Skull Bearer 3, enraged at any failing in his masters plans, throws Bambi back at the group. As the deer tramples them, he dances around the fire turning everyone's clothing into bright pink and green. He then goes after Legolas.

**Legolas: ** NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!! (runs away in slow motion- too bad he's the only one in that mode) Nooootttt ttthhhheeee haaairrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

**Skull Bearer 3: **Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!! (pulls out scissors and gives the elf a buzz cut) Lovely!!! (runs around cutting off everyone else's hair except Yue's, whose hair has been totally eaten by Bambi)

**Zaknafein: **Great...Now I look like Jarlaxe...Wah.

**Walker: **No hair, no arm, oh well. Good-nighty everybody!!!!

**Truls: **You cut off Walkers hair? You must pay! I'm shaving Bambi!!!! And then we can roast him!!!! (Grabs baby deer)

**Kerriibow: ** Wwwwooooooooooooo!! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**All: **(stare blankly)

**Sakura: **I really, really do not care anymore about that furry thing.

**Kerriibow:** Wo...(sulks)

**Vanyel: **Maybe we should not kill Bambi. He was deceived into thinking we were the enemy. (takes Bambi from Truls) There now, I've saved you, you cute little...(screams in pain as Bambi bites him)

**Bambi: **(in Allanon's voice) Take that! (runs away)

**Numair: **If no one else can do it I will. (magically grows back everyone's hair)

**Legolas:** My hair isn't as lustrous as it used to be...#$. 3000 &#$ years of freaking growing and hair supplies!!!! GONE TO THAT STUPID FASHION DISASTER!!!!! $#&!!!!!!!

**Ahren: **Legolas...PG warning is on this story.

**Legolas: **$# the PG warning!!! I don't care anymore!!!!!!

**Sakura: **Listen, I'll use one of my Clow cards to make all of our hair better.

**Legolas: **Really? You would do that for me? I'm touched...

They all gather around Sakura, even a sleepy Walker, as she takes out her key of Clow:

O key of Clow... Power of Magic, Power of Light

Surrender the Wand, the Force Ignite! Release!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She then takes out a card and says the second inscription:

Big Card

I command you to transform everyone's hair! Big!!!!

Suddenly all are wrapped in swirly colours and sparkles.

**Legolas: **Oooohhhh, sparkles!

**All:** (dance around saying "sparkles" before noticing their hair, which has grown quite big)

**Walker: **(Does a headstand) Yay! Afros!!!

**Tay:** Does this new hair make me look fat?

**Truls: **(wandering around with huge blown up hood) I look like a balloon!!!!!

**Yue: **(looks at reflection in river) Weelll, not quite what I wanted but I do look wonderful! It's like a warm blanket!!! A cloud!

**Zakanafein: **I look lovely! The first drow to have a fro.

**Vanyel: **No one will know me now...Not even my poor horse!!!

**Ahren: **(lookssuspiciously at birds who are starting to nest in his hair) Get away! Maybe this wasn't as easy as just living with a lack of shine.

**Legolas: **(new tears in eyes) It's not!

**Sakura: **Don't upset Legolas! I don't want to use another card. This has gotten really hairy all of a sudden...

**Harry: **Stop insulting me Bambi!!!

**Sakura: **Turnip!!!!! Your hair is the WORST!!!

**Numair: **Is this covered by my medical insurance?

**Kerriibow: **(has become a giant furball) Wooooooooo...


	5. 4

**CHAPTER 4 : ATTACK OF THE PLUSHY DINOSAUR**

Sakura gives up on her magic for a while and Numair demonstrates his skill as a barber, but only after making everyone pay $1.00, or, one money.

**Tay: **(whispers to Ahren) I'm glad he doesn't know the difference between real Canadian money and monopoly!

**Vanyel: **None of you people even use money!

**Harry: **I do!!!

**Vanyel:** I mean real, modern money.

**Zakanafein: **Well it's a good thing we're stealing -uh, borrowing- from you.

**Numair: **I think he is very generous. After all we need... (walks away) What was I saying? The marshmallows are getting colder...Look! Icicles!

**All:** (stare blankly)

**Walker: **To the campfire!!! (runs off gleefully)

They all arrive at the campsite, and grab pointy sticks. No, the sticks are for the marshmellows, not for slaying Vampires or dueling or poking...What did I tell you guys? Stop that!

**Tay: **(jabs Walker in the back playfully) That's for leaving me to die!!!

**Walker: **(jabbing back) You died a thousand years before I was born!

**Truls:** (bored) Harry and Numair stare at each other. They lift pointy sticks. Oh, and a block from Harry...and...I think he's gone folks. Numair has won. Woo. (slowly waves small flag with "N" on it)

**Sakura: **(karate kicks Truls over) Hiiii Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! (does a matrix style hand thing)

**All except Truls:** Oooooooo...

**Truls: **Is that a challenge? Girl?

**All except Sakura: **Aaaaahhhhhhh...

**Legolas: **(turns back to his duel with Yue) I shall have the most impressive jab! Ah HA!!! Beautiful!

**Yue:** I have the best battle costume. Complete with hand gloves.

**Legolas: **Ooooooo. I should have ordered some from the elven catalogues... My hair colour's the most natural, and it goes better with my weapon. (waves stick)

**Yue: **Perhaps. How about the most accurate shot with a bow and arrow?

**Legolas: **Try me.

**Yue: **(aims at Legolas) All right.

**Legolas: **(ducks) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (gets up) I meant to do that. Good reflexes you know.

**Yue:** Rrriiigghtttt...Like, "what EVER". Ha ha, I took your line!

**Legolas: **(glares) Pansy.

**Yue:** Are you calling me a flower, Flower Boy?

**Truls: **The Boy?! Where?!

**Zakanafein: **Why are you so obsessed with a guy?

**Truls:** He's not a guy, he's the Boy!!!

**Vanyel: **Can we just eat the marshmallows please? Thank you...(gets ran over by marshmallow crazed friends)

**Tay: **We need a fire!!!

**Walker: **You're standing in it.

**Tay: **AAAAHHHH!!!!!

**Truls:** Druid games...

**Numair: **I can cast a better fire than that...Oh well, I got the first marshmallow! (swallows gooey substance)

**Allanon: **(watching nearby) I hate the end of their playful poking...Time for some food action! Yay! (waits until everyone is ready for the opening "Marshmallow Toast" and turns all the marshmallows into rocks)

**Legolas: **(breaks off teeth) Nnnnnoooooo!!!! My teeth and hair in one day!!!

**Numair: ** UMmmmmmmmm, tasty! A bit on the crunchy side though...

**Harry: **Yuck!!!

**Yue: **Agreed...

**Ahren: **I have dirt in my mouth!!! Arrraagggghhhhhhhh!!!! (runs to river and dunks head in the water)

**Walker: **I've tasted worse...Despair, agony...blood unfortunely.

**Legolas: **AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! A VAMPIRE!!!!! (dives towards the discarded point sticks, and stabs Walker)

**Walker: **(sighs) The dirt does taste bad. I just didn't want to think of the rock I almost ate...Stop poking me!!! I was joking about all that stuff!!!! (runs up a tree to escape the insane elf)

**Sakura: **(gagging) Gross!!!! I swallowed some of it!!

**Yue: **It's alright Bambi...You should like rocks...There's something wrong with you. What is it? Oh...Everything.

**Zakanafein: **I think my dental plan gave out the day I died...

**Truls:** This is like eating dirt...Quite literaly.

**Tay: **(starts singing) Rocks! Rocks! Rocks! Wonderful rocks, rocks, rocks! Oh, when we get together, how happy we will be! And everyone remembers that we're a family he he he!

**All: **SHUT UP!!!

**Legolas: **I think you had too many marshmallows.

**Harry: **Can someone rescue Ahren? I think he's drowning.

They drag Ahren out of the river, but only after jumping in themselves. Wet and soggy they begin to clean up the campfire. A thumping is heard, and it seems that something is charging towards them.

**Allanon: **(runs in front of the group laughing maniacally) It's here! The Plushy Dinosaur form Absurd is here!!!!

**Walker: **(waving arms at Allanon from the tree branch) Get back here!!!

**Bremen: **(stumbling out of the woods, hair all messed up, robes tattered) You must find the Sword of Shannara!!!! It is the only thing that will work!! (looks around) Sorry wrong book... (turns to walk away and faces an oncoming orange thing)

**All: **AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ahren: **(soaking wet) Run for your lives!!!

**Zakanafein: **No need to tell me twice! I don't wanna die again!

The thing is coloured orange with green spots, purple horns and purple feet. It looks exactly like a Triceratops dinosaur. The strange beast makes a sudden turn, and bangs into Walker's tree.

**Walker: **Hey! That's tree abuse! Help!!! I'm falling!!! (falls onto the dinosaur and discovers it is quite soft) Yay, it's a plushy!

**Tay: **I hereby name it Plushy. It shall be my plushy...(glassy eyed, he walks toward dinosaur)

**Plushy: **RRRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

**Vanyel: **Obviously, he doesn't like you or his name.

**Harry: **I'll be going now...(turns and runs. Stops and looks back) You guys aren't coming? Hmmm...How do I persuade each of them to run? (thinks) Marshmallows!!!!!! (no one moves so he tries a different approach) Whoever is the last one to reach the top of that hill (points in no apparent direction) is a rotten egg eh?!!!!!

**Plushy:** (runs past Harry with Walker on his back) Wooph wooph.

**Sakura: **Now look what you've done you big turnip!!!! (runs up hill shouting for the others to follow)

**Yue: **(takes to the sky) My little Bambi sure can run!

Everyone reaches the top of the hill, with the sole exception of Numair, who got distracted by some thing or other...Never mind him...Really.

**Plushy:** (smashes foot into ground)RRRRRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!WOOOOPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

**Walker:** (thrown off Plushy's back) Ahhhhhhhh!!! Oooo, I'm flying sorta. (lands on Bremen) Crazy old man! At least I'm a young druid!

**Truls: **(frowns, then realizes that no one can see his face so just shakes head) Didn't you say you were tired before you died? Old men are often tired.

Legolas takes out his bow and draws back an arrow, striking a heroic pose. Yue calmly makes his appear. The two let their arrows go at the same time, piercing Plushy in the foot-that's still embedded in the ground by the way. Plushy screams a lot before flying through the air, like a deflated balloon.

**Tay: **MY PLUSHY!!!!!! COME BACK!!!

**Plushy: **TTTTTAAAAAYAYYYYYYY YAYYYYY YAAAYYYYY!!! WWWOOOPPHHHH!!!! WOPEEEEE!!!!(sound fades away)

**Zaknafein:** It looks like a balloon!!!

**Truls: **No comment...

**Harry: **Wow! Two arrows at the same time! Who did that?

**Legolas and Yue: **I did. (look at each other) LIAR!!!

**Legolas: **(holds up bow) I was the one who shot down the beast!!!

**Tay: **His name is Plushy!!! He was my Plushy!! Wah!!!

**Vanyel: **(clears throat) Ummm...He didn't like-(Ahren slaps him on the head with a stick)

**Ahren:** What Vanyel is trying to say is that Plushy didn't like trees.

**Yue: **While you were posing, I was firing! MY arrow hit Plushy first!

**Legolas: **(pouting) It did not!!!

**Yue:** Did too!

**Legolas: **(gets angry) Get down here you flying bird-man!!!

**Yue:** (sticks out his tongue at the Elf) Na nana naaa na!

**Legolas:** (picks up rocks and starts to throw them at Yue) Take that!!!

**Walker:** (gets off of Bremen) Hey, stop that! You're acting like little children!

**Bremen: **Owwwfff. (dusts himself off) More like boys if you ask me...

**Truls: **(looks up) The boy? (loses interest)

**Numair: **(walks up and everyone stares) There you are!

**Sakura: **Where were you?

**Numair: **I went for a walk and the next thing I knew, I was all by myself. Did you know what I saw? A very strange cloud in the sky...I think it was green, orange and purple. Weird, but not as weird as some of you guys. Anyway it made a really strange sound...Did you find the Sword of Shannara?

**All: **What?

**Bremen: **OH!! Finally someone pays attention to me! Granted, it was only until AFTER I was tortured with the Bambi movie but that's ok. (hugs Numair) Come on whoever you are, we'll go get the sword.

**Vanyel: **Wait a minute, that's just not logical! You can't just take someone away from the group. Who are YOU anyway?

**Walker: ** Maybe he's just a crazy old man...Druids...I'm glad I didn't become one.(thinks) Shades! I am one!

**Skull Bearer: **(pops out of nowhere) OLD MAN!!!!! (disappears)

**All:** (stare blankly and wonder why it is that things just appear)

**Vanyel: **See what I mean? It's just not logical!!!

Logic is defied once more when they hear a flapping noise, combined with a whine caused by rushing air. They look up and stare in disbelief...At Plushy. Or, what was Plushy, as the dinosaur is completely deflated.

**Tay: ** (opens arms) Plushy!!!

The dinosaur sinks onto the group and covers them completely. Allanon walks onto the hill and stands next to the edge of the dinosaur. Looking at the covered group,

he smiles.

**Allanon: **(smile breaking into a laugh) A wonderful idea has hit me! (a rock called "Wonderful Idea" flies from out of nowhere and hits him) And another one! I will send these unfortunate ones to Absurd and go with them!!! (summons Skull Bearers and Bambi) You four will keep them very busy!

**Skull Bearer 2: ** Tis a very excellent ideal!!!

**Allanon: **Yes, I know. (pets Bambi on the head) Now get going!


	6. 5

**CHAPTER FIVE: THE BOOK CALLED ABSURD**

When they wake up, they realize that they are in a little town, that has been deserted. All around them are shops selling what appears to be a man with a huge head. Written in scrawly letters on the stone wall is the words "Shrek was here".

**Shrek: **(appears) End of story, bye bye. See you later! (pauses) Orges are like onions! (disappears)

**Harry: **Gotcha!

**Numair: **(gets up and walks over to an interesting box) Look, there's a button on it! (presses it and a clicking noise is heard)

**Sakura: **It's a bomb!!!

All of a sudden the doors on the box fling open, revealing a herd of cows wearing school uniforms.

**Bremen: **Holy cow!

**Vanyel: **That ain't logical! The teacher is a bull!

**Legolas: **That's bull$!

The cows -and bull- open their crud-filled mouths and begin to sing to the tune of "Bill Nye the Science Guy", saying all the names of the group.

**Singing Cattle:** Bill Nye the Science Guy! Bremen the Really Old Guy!

**Skull Bearers:** Old Man!!!

**Singing Cattle: **Walker the Reluctant Guy! Legolas the Shining Guy!

**Solo Cow: **Who likes to swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Singing Cattle: **Harry The Turnip Guy! Sakura the Bambi Guy!

**Sakura: **GIRL I'M A GGGGGGIIIIRRLLLL!!!

**Singing Cattle: **Yue the Long-Haired Guy! Numair the Pink Robe Guy! Tay the Girl-Name Guy!

**Tay:** How did you know?

**Singing Cattle:** Allanon the Crazy Guy! Ahren the Marshmallow Guy! Truls the...BOY!

**Truls: ** What? The Boy?!

**Singing Cattle: **Bambi the Jumping Guy!

**Bambi: **(pops up) Yaaaaooooo!

**Singing Cattle: **Kerriibow the Strange Noise Guy!Skull Bearers the Minion Guys!

**Skull Bearers: **We're plural YAY!

**Singing Cattle: **Zakanafein...the Guy!

**Solo Cow:** Science Rules!!!

Background music is heard: Da nananana Da nananana!

**Singing Cattle:** Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill Nye the Science Guy!!!!!

Box closes. Everyone stands in shock and a flash goes off. A group of people walks by while they are staring.

**Person 1: **( Talking to friend ) So , what are you going to be for Halloween?

**Person 2: ** I thinking about being a sock. Halloween in seven days.

They walk on by. As they pass, there is yet another blinding flash from the strange box. Faintly, the sound of Bill! Bill! Bill! is heard.


	7. 6

**CHAPTER SIX : HALLOWEEN IN ABSURD**

It is October 31st, according to the solar calender that Bremen drew in the dirt. They had followed the crowd of people a few days earlier and in doing so found out what Halloween was. They had just finished a breakfast with hobbits who insisted on eating more than one meal. Thankfully, the hobbits were now gone. They decided to start discussing their costume ideas.

**Truls: **(to Harry) Any idea for a costume yet, boy?

**Harry: ** I was thinking about being a Pepsi machine.

**Truls:** You still owe me that pepsi, boy.

**Harry: ** That's the idea!

**Numair: ** You're being a Pepsi machine? You ALMOST stole my idea! I'm being a Coke machine! That's interesting…

Bambi runs by with a Halloween bag around his neck. On the bag, there is a sign which says, "Insert Candy Here" He gives a great "YAAAAAAOOOOOO!" in happiness. Yue is following him with a candy. He passes by the Skull Bearers.

**Skull Bearer 2: ** I picks a verrryy ideal choice for Hall-O-Ween. Dracula!

**Skull Bearer 1: **Frankenstein for me.

**Skull Bearer 3: **I will be a werebeast!

**Harry: **Since when are we friends with Skull Bearers?

**Vanyel: **Don't ask questions. Just accept the fact that we may never see anything logical again.

**Harry: **What are you? (stares)

**Vanyel: **(is wearing a outfit that looks like a white and yellow flower) I am a buttercup!

**Zaknafein: **I think I'm going to be a zombie.

**Tay: ** That should be easy for you. You're already dead!

**Zaknafein: **(hurt) Well, so are you! What are you being?

**Tay:** A ghost!

**Zaknafein: **(Scoffs) Like that's any different.

**Truls: **Well, I don't need a costume. This is a stupid idea!

**Sakura: **Why? I think this will be fun.

**Truls:** It's stupid because I can be anything anyway!

**Sakura: **Oh yeah? Turn into a balloon animal!!!

**Skull Bearer 2: **Yes! A little doggie tis verrry nicea ideal!

**Truls: **(glares at Skull Bearer 2) I'm not here to please anyone! (stalks away)

**Yue: **Ok...Anyway, I'm going to be an angel- I already have the wings!

**Walker: **I am a man depicting the innocence and serenity of a light bulb. (Sits on a rock with a light bulb in hand)

**Kerribow: **(Pops up in a blinding blur of colours) Wooo! Wwooooo! WOOOOOOO!

**All: **What the?!

**Tay, Ahren, Breman, Truls, Walker, Skull Bearers: **Shades!

**Legolas: **Oh god noooooo! Its fur is yellow, green, blue and pink! I'm blinded for life!!!

**Harry: **Is it wearing _my _sunglasses?

**Legolas: **My poor eyes!!!

**Yue: **Oh, shut up you big baby!

**Ahren: **Some angel you are.

**Vanyel: **Oh, once I was a buttercup, a buttercup I was ...

**Truls: **This is ridulicus!

**Vanyel: **Then one day some kid picked me and ssssaaaaiiiddd...

**Zakanakafein: **Shut up!!!

**Vanyel: **(in a squeaky voice)Do you like butter!!!??

**Tay: **La la la la la laaaaa!!!

**Legolas: **It is not Christmas!

**Vanyel: **(pouts) And squished me on the ground...

**Walker: **HEY!!!

**Sakura: **What are you Legolas?

**Legolas: **(jumps around in tiny circles) I am a Russian ballet dancer!

**Ahren:** Oookaaayyy.

**Numair: **Well, I like it! What are we talking about?

**Truls: **(from a distance) I don't know. Probably something crazy...as usual. Stupid balloons...

**Numair: **What's his problem?

**Skull Bearer 3: **Maybe when he was younger, he was sat upon by an older brother or sister.

**Skull Bearer 2: **Yes! That would make a verrry ideal hobbie!

**Yue: **(stops following Bambi) Let's not have a Halloween. Let's do something else instead.

**Harry: **Suggestions anyone?

**Truls: **(comes back) Let's kill Allanon!!!

**All: **YES!!!!


	8. 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN: ATTEMPTED MURDER IN ABSURD**

Our characters begin searching for the elusive Allanon with little luck. The three Skull Bearers decide to tell Allanon of the plot to end his life, and they go to the haunted shack where he is staying.

**Kerribow: **WOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Skull Bearer 1:** SHUT UP! Stupid thing pretends to be a ghost...

**Kerribow: **Wooo. (sulks)

**Allanon: **(standing in the doorway) What are you doing here? You are supposed to be pretending to be friends with our friends!

**Skull Bearer 3: **What?

**Allanon: **(smacks himself in the head) Never mind! What are you doing?

**Skull Bearer 3: **Well, you see...

**Skull Bearer 2: **We made a verrry ideal choice!

**Skull Bearer 3: **Yes...Ummmmm, I am a werebeast.

**Skull Bearer 1: **And I am a Frankenstein.

**Skull Bearer 3: **There's more than one?

**Skull Bearer 2: **My ideal choice tis a verry good Dracula!

**Allanon: **You don't have to be anything you fools! You're already the three stooges!

**Skull Bearer 2: **What tis this name you state? Do they have verry ideal choices for outer coverage?

**Skull Bearer 1: **Can I be number six?

**Allanon: **No you're number one!!! #(& idiot!!!! Arrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The narrator would like to remind all present that there is a PG warning on this story. Thank you, hugs and kisses.

**Skull Bearer 3: **I do not want your hugs and kisses! I want Allanons!

**Allanon: **NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Skull Bearer 3: **Oh, ok.

**Allanon: **People you are blowing my cover! Go away!

**Skull Bearer 2: **But vee are not verry peopleish. Veee arrre more like, more like carrying skulls.

**Skull Bearer 1: (**whines) Allanon! Why do we have scary names? Huhhhhhh?

**Allanon: **Because you do! Now get out of here!

Unfortunately for Allanon, his argument could be heard for miles away, and ourheros (sorta) hear him. Duh.

**Harry: **(takes something out of pocket) Hey, it's a phone!

**Sakura: **Why does it sound like Allanon?

**Tay: **Because it's a phone! La la la la la!

**Numair: **Perfect! We can use it to...Ohhhhh, flowers!

**Harry: **(looks around) His voice isn't just coming from the phone. It's all over the place.

**Walker: **It sounds like an echo of some hated rival...

**Breman: **That's because it is! I don't know how you became a druid...

**Walker: **Me neither.

**Sakura: **He's on a loudspeaker!

**Yue: **Did you say something Bambi? Do you want some grass?

**Numair: **Here's some nice flowers. The weather of today is cloudy with spots of rain, sun, drizzle, and fog.

**All except Numair: **What?

**Zakanakafein: **I would like a cookie.

**Ahren: **Forget the cookie! Let's go get Allanon!

**Legolas: **I'm not going anywhere in these shoes! They hurt like anything!!!

**Yue: **I don't have that problem, I can fly. Ha ha.

**Tay: **How do we get to Allanon if the sound of his voice is everywhere?

A red chair with someone sitting on it suddenly appears in a cloud of smoke. The smoke clears, and they see Pegasus, a character from Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Pegasus: **You want to meet Allanon?

**Legolas: **Yes, preferably without having to walk anywhere.

**Truls: **What is it with you people? A bit of walking never hurt anyone.

**Legolas: **It hurts me!!!

**Vanyel: **(who was for some reason not taking part in the conservation until now) Can you help us?

**Pegasus: **Fine. One, two, three!

A trapdoor opens underneath our characters feet, and they go plummeting downwards. They land directly in front of Allanon.

**Allanon: **What are you people doing here?

**Skull Bearer 2: **They must have heard the clinking of our teacups at tea time yess?

**Allanon: **I thought I told you to go.

**Skull Bearer 1: **You did, but we stayed. (sips tea)

**All of our somewhat heros: **(take fighting stance) Allanon must die!

**Allanon: **Oh dear. (runs away shouting "Mr.Clean" over and over)

**Skull Bearers: **Bye! (run though a hidden door and disappear)

**Tay: **(looks up suddenly) My plushy! You've come back to me!

**Plushy: **(no longer deflated) Roooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

**Tay: **Come on everyone! Jump on!

They all climb aboard the dinosaur, and Plushy proceeds to take huge leaping bounds towards Allanon, who screams in terror. The Plushy runs past Allanon, still taking giant leaps.

**Vanyel: **(looking back at Allanon) Is it supposed to do this?

**Breman: **Everyone must jump off of the Forbidden beast of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**All: **Forbidden beast of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (jump off)

**Truls: **Die!

**Sakura: **(runs in front of him) NO! You can't hurt him, he's just an old man!

**Yue: **Listen to Bambi. Bambi is always right.

**Truls: **Oh, shut up. Killing him is what we came here for.

**Zakanakafein: **Let's kill Bambi instead!

**Yue: **Poor deer, I guess you'll have to die.

**Bambi: **Yaoooooiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Allanon: **Listen, we can talk about this.

**Tay: **Ok.

**Numair: **Let's talk about the journey of our lives. The weather is nice today. 

**Ahren: **Picnic time!

**Tay: **YEA!!!

**Allanon: **Don't you want to get out of here?

**Legolas: **Yeah, I have to clean my bathroom!

**Allanon: **Ok then, what if I transport you somewhere more logical? I apologize for bringing you here. (laughs maniacally inside his head)

**Walker: **(stares) What are you up to?

**Allanon: **(laughs out loud in a totally crazy and uncalled for way) Poof! There you go! ENJOY THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
